Complete Waste of Time
There is not too many things more annoying than when you have a stretch
of hours that becomes time you'll never get back. IE, every moment was
wasted.
Band practice didn't used to be a waste of time. Everyone used to have
fun, they used to like each other, and being in the band. They were mostly
always one time, and they actually played music through the whole thing.
Everything they stood for was basically the same, and they all connected.
Now, they've all shifted. Ed has stopped being a pacifist vegetarian. (thank
goodness). He's chowing on sushi and cheeseburgers, and advocating dropping bombs on the
Middle East. He pretty much now thinks most of the "punk scene" is bullshit,
a bunch of whiny spoiled kids who think they're making some difference.
Rick isn't the cheerful peace punk he used to be. I know some
people blame me for that, but they don't understand, all I've ever done is
incourage him to be himself, and to be happy. And apparently fish sandwiches
and police chases on TV work for him. Larry found that happiness could
be found in a pastrami sandwich, and that "punk" annoyed him more than
he ever thought possible. All the ranting and the whining. It just doesn't
do it for him.
Then we come to Mat, who still believes a lot of the hype, refuses to
stop being a veg-head, and thrives on the punk image. And yet, he's taken
a job doing graphic art for some rap artist, some of which apparently
involves images which are far beyond acceptable porn. This doesn't seem all
that punk to me. He's also caught up in a lot of really bad stuff in his
personal life, and he can't see what's going on around him, in his friends
and in the band.
Then there's Sean, who still believes in all the old ideals we all believed
ten years ago, with all his heart. He still talks the talk, rants the rant,
still believes all this can make a difference. It's a little endearing, and
yet, a little sad. It's like while all the rest of us were growing up,
he got locked in time and forgot to. The Peter Pan of Punk, if you will
forgive the cheesy cliche.
And what about me? I got into punk for a boy. I became a vegetarian for a
boy. Not exactly noble reasons, but I was "in like", and happy, and it
seemed like a good idea anyway. Why wouldn't it? Here was a whole sub-culture
of people who believed in a lot of things I'd always believed anyway. I
felt "in place" for the first time in my messed up life. I belonged. I had
a boyfriend who was good for me, I had new friends, a new life, and it was so
much fun. But then things changed, and I changed. The boy and I moved on.
Then came another, and I married him. Then came a kid, and years later,
suddenly all that wonderful cool stuff seemed a million years away, and it
seemed childish and silly. Special, but no longer important. Does that make
sense? I guess I just grew up, and so did Rick, and Ed, and Larry, and so
many others. But not all of them.
So now we come to this sorry stand-off, the Politically Incorrect Pastrami
Chomping Warheads vs. the Veg-head Leftover Pacifist Punks, and no one's happy,
and no one really talks about it to the people they should talk about it, and
everyone's angry, and bitter, and hurt. Not to mention bored and dissatisfied.
This should have been over a long time ago, I think. But it's hard to let go
of something that once meant so much. So they cling, and get more unhappy.
It's time to let go, time for them to move on. Some of them know it. Rick knew
it months ago. Ed did too, he just didn't want to admit it. Larry's wondering
how he got in the middle of this in the first place. I really hope something
will come out of the ashes, because Rick, Ed, and Lare all get along so great,
and they have so much talent and creativity. Mat and Sean do to, but it's in a
different direction now, they need to find their own paths. Who knows, maybe
a couple of different projects will rise out of the ashes of the once mighty
Litmus Green.
Posted at 21:32 # G